Why Do These Things Always Happen To Me?
by dientore
Summary: eheh. My first attempt at a POV. Revolves around how life is really stupid.....(Look! Its ended!^^;;)
1. And then there was LIGHT!

Why do these things always happen to me?  
  
This is my first time ever writing POV so it may sound weird and stupid at times but heck^^. From Ru's POV. Written just to ease a bit of boredom and stress in everyday life.....  
  
  
Part 1- And then there was LIGHT!  
-----  
I read somewhere that the things people dream of are usually related to actual events that had or were about to happen to them. I'm not what you would call a believer' but i still found myself pondering over this while I rode my bike home from school. You see, a few nights ago I had this dream. No, seriously, its interesting. First I was in the locker room. Then someone came in and the whole place became black and then I was in this factory wrapping something to sell and there was this guy opposite me who was wrapping something too and then the whole place went black again and then I was in class and there was this person next to me who---  
  
K, its not that interesting.  
  
-----  
That damn ceiling's leaking again, I don't see why that stupid ass of a landlady bothered to rent out this flat. There's no heater(she said one of the previous tenants smashed it. Two weeks later, he moved to the asylum.) , there's no aircon (maybe there is, just that i can't find it. Yeah, that explains the buzzy noises coming from the wall), the refridgerator's busted and the whole room smells of barf no matter how many cans of air freshener I spray. She also told me that the poor soul who rented this before me carried out mating rituals with his dog.  
  
She must really hate me.  
  
I dump my bag by the doorway and flick the light switch.  
  
  
  
  
  
Oh, guess what. The lights aren't working either.  
-----  
  
Rukawa-kun, is there anything I can help you with?   
  
I can't stand the receptionist. She has this habit of saying as if she's _breathing_ it rather than speaking. Sort of how you would speak if you had a carrot shoved up your ass.  
  
Oh, eww.  
  
The lights aren't working and i paid the bill.  
  
She leans forward such that her fake looking hair is pratically brushing, no, _sweeping_ the vandalized table and purses her lips in a little O' as if she's trying to kiss the air or something. I wonder for a brief second if I should tell her the engraved Goldfishes should return to the water where they belong line on that table was carved by me.  
  
Gomen, Rukawa-kun, but though you say you have paid, the landlady told me you haven't.  
  
Oh.  
  
OH.  
  
I get it. She hates me so much that she's gonna deprive me of light so that i'll slip on that untiled cement floor and smash my head against the wall and all my guts will go spilling over the door. Or worse, i may actually survive the fall and end up with amnesia and forget all the basketball skills that have been passed down from generation to generation.  
  
Lady, this means war.  
------  
  
Anyway, I found a candle and a box of matches in the kitchen drawer. If you guessed the leaky ceiling graced that one lone box with one of the biggest droplets of water ever, you were right. So now, i'm sitting here in my room with that candle trying to light it with the one match that wasn't too soggy to strike.   
  
Ok, its lit.  
  
I stare at the blue part of the flame. Just wait till I become the best basketballer in Japan. Mom and Dad are gonna be sorry they said those things to me. I don't care if I have to live in this dump, I don't care if I slip and smash my head against a wall and get amnesia, even if I forget my skills, I will never, EVER forget all those things that they said. I'll make it to America. I WILL.  
  
Hey, don't laugh, its better than talking to the wall.  
  
They'll all be sorry. Just wait and see. No one's gonna win against me. I'll make it. I'll be better than Sendoh. I'll make myself proud. You all are gonne be so sorry. One fine day I'll make it . Looking down on me was wrong to begin with.  
  
Oh crap, the candle went out.  
  
-tbc-  
(you know, when you lose your memory or something, its called amnesia right? I'm not sure -_-;;)  
  



	2. Screw life

Why do these thing always happen to me?  
  
hey, thank you so much for all the reviews^^ *hugs*   
  
Part 2- Screw life.  
-----  
Class is boring. Sorry if i need to expand my vocabulary. Anyway, I had that same dream again while i was in lalaland during Math. Only this time, the locker room part was a tad different than before. Because this time, it wasn't a locker room, it was that dump of a flat i live in.  
  
Do I sound stupid?  
  
K, nevermind.  
  
Ok, now i'm getting to my point. I think that that locker room-cum-dump of a flat thingy could actually be a sign or something about what happened yesterday night. You know, the talking to the candle part.  
  
Hey, i said don't laugh.  
  
So, maybe I should really start paying attention to that dream. It could just be predicting my future.  
-----  
Basketball practice isn't boring. Ignore the vocab and move on. In fact, its one of the most interesting things i have ever had in my life. That goes to show you how boring my life is. And about that light issue, there's nothing i can do about it yeah? I guess for the time being, i'll just buy more candles.  
-----  
Which leads to where I am now. Cycling home from the provision shop with a bag of candles. Forget about matches, Ill use a lighter.  
  
The street is quiet even though its only evening. No wait, the street _should_ be quiet because its evening. Thats the time when all the kiddies go eat dinner with their mommies and daddies and grandpas and grandmas and aunties and uncles.....hmph. I don't need them. Family, i mean. They've made it very clear that they don't need me either. Which is why I moved out. My parents never believed in me. Your dreams are useless' to qoute.  
  
I'll show them. I'll make it to America. I'll beat that toilet brush head(aka Sendoh no B-A-K-A). I'll show them. I'll make it. Ill go to America. I'll be the best basketballer in Japan. I'll show them. And I'll learn how to stop repeating my sentences.  
-----  
  
Rukawa! You're late. For the 3rd time this week!  
  
Oh geez, that's observant of you Mr Manager, i couldn't have figured that out on my own.  
  
I had to buy something.  
  
He purses his lips as if I just said I had to clean my toilet. Rukawa, you should know by now that shift times are given because you are expected to start work at those times.  
  
Uh-huh.  
  
A lot of your co workers, especially from the females, have been nice enough to help you sign in to work even though you are not there and yet, you have let them down like this.  
  
Uh-huh.  
  
Though I cannot afford to lose staff at this time of the year, I have given this matter a lot of thought and you leave me no choice.  
  
Oh no.  
  
Mr Rukawa, You are fired.  
  
He can't mean that right.....I mean,i give him so much business from female customers.....he can't mean it...... I think I'm gonna cry.  
  
Oh, don't be stupid, of course I won't.  
  
He hands me my last paycheck and I turn and walk out the door. This is pathetic. Me, Rukawa Kaede , only son of one of the wealthiest families in Kanagawa., has been reduced to a jobless, penniless, lame excuse for a human being who lives in a flat that has no lights.  
  
Screw life.  
  
I'm outside now and all the female staff are crowded at the window, crying and mouthing Good byes.' Then hugging each other and crying all over again.  
  
I wonder if they know my situation is worse.  
  
Oh look, one of them is writing something on the window with her lipstick tube, Good Luck'. Then she smiles and waves.  
  
I flash one last look at the restaurant before i cross the street to my apartment( i live opposite, poor me). Don't get me wrong, I'm not falling in love with that lady or anything. Its just that now at least I know that no matter where I go, I have one supporter. I begin to climb the stairs to my floor.  
  
Yup, it doesn't matter if I lose my job, i'll get a new one. It doesn't matter if I have to stay in a dump, when i have more money, I'll rent out a nicer flat. I shouldn't get upset and put down by all the small things. Even though sometimes it is the small things that hurt the most. I'm not about to give up. There are still so many things i can do if i try. I'll make it. Yeah. My dream will take shape into something real.  
  
I reach my door.  
  
Think of it this way. If this is as worse at it gets, then it can't get any worse.  
  
  
  
Shit, I lost my keys.  
-tbc-


	3. I rock, oh yeah

Why do these things always happen to me?  
  
this fic has no plot. Has anyone noticed that?  
  
Part 3-I rock, oh yeah.  
-----  
Learn to appreciate yourself.' That's what the self help book on how to live life happily says.   
  
Never second-guess or underestimate yourself. You and you alone should be the core to your being.'   
  
Say what?  
  
I think i'll skip the theory parts and go to the practical exercise.  
  
Practical exercise 1: How to heighten your self esteem. First, clear your mind of all problems and worries. Take deep breaths and relax every muscle in your body.'  
  
Ok.......  
  
When you feel you are ready, say I rock or any other phrase that you feel like saying, so long as it is praising yourself. You can say I am beautiful or I have nice eyes for instance.'  
  
I rock. I am beautiful. I have nice eyes. This is stupid.  
-----  
  
I'm in the bookshop now, jotting down all the promising-looking jobs i can find in the newspaper onto a piece of writing paper. Newspaper costs money. Me no money. Desperate times calls for desperate measures.  
  
The shop lady is flashing me dirty looks, i think i'll stop here.  
-----  
Its starting to drizzle now and I'm slowly cycling back. I mean, who wants to return to that dump anyway?  
  
  
  
Now its raining.  
  
  
  
Now its heavily raining.  
  
  
  
Now its like a thunder storm.  
  
  
  
And now my bike has slipped and i'm skidding on my ass in the middle of the road.   
-------  
  
My bike is wrecked. Seriously wrecked. The front tire is flat, the brakes seem to be spoilt and the seat is sorta torn. And the uh, mechanic(is that what they're called?) from the bicycle repair shop just told me that its beyond repair. Which sucks really cause it was only one little fall. Maybe i should take a look at that self-help book one more time.....  
  
Nah.  
  
Its stupid. I rock? Hn.   
  
I pull off my shoes and sit down on the dusty floor of my flat. I rock.   
  
See. I told you its stupid.  
  
I rock. Hm, are you supposed to feel something when you say this? Like, some sort of andrenaline rush or something like that?  
  
I rock. When did I become such a pathetic person? I mean, here i am sitting in the middle of an apartment that's not even as big as the bathroom I had back in the Rukawa mansion.  
  
I rock. Seriously, this sucks. I'm broke, I'm hungry, I'm cold, I'm deprived of light and I have no transport to school tomorrow, ngh.  
  
That bloody ceiling's really getting to me. Its leaking water all over my already crappy floor. Great, now its leaking on my hair.  
  
I. Rock. Is my dream to go to America really that stupid? Why must Mom and Dad say those things? They probably don't think I'll make it. They're probably waiting for their little son to crawl home and admit defeat.  
  
I ROCK!!!!  
  
There, i feel much better now. Release is good.  
  
Maybe that self-help book isn't full of crap after all.  
  
-tbc-  



	4. Open mouth, insert foot

Why do these things always happen to me?  
  
i'm so sorry, i really haven't been updating..^^;; But thanx for all the reviews and encouragements^_^  
  
  
Part 4 -Open mouth. Insert foot.  
-----  
Hi, its me again. Guess what? The door handle just came right off and landed on my big toe.  
  
Life just rules, doesn't it?  
-----  
My toes still hurts so i'm limping my way to school. Ah, I see Shohoku ahead. Its not that far really. Just another half kilometre or so. I can do this. One little toe injury isn't gonna keep Rukawa Kaede down.   
  
Yes, i've made it!  
  
  
  
Damn, i wish i hadn't.  
  
Rukawa- kun!!!!! What happened to you? Why are you limping? Our poor Rukawa-kun is injured!!! Why must this happen???!!!!!! Dear God!!!  
  
Dear God indeed.  
  
I finally made it to my seat. It was rather hard since all the girls were jumping around me. Hn. The bell has rung but they're all still here, all asking me if i'm alright and asking me if i can still play basketball and then they start sobbing about how no matter what happens, they'll always support and love me.  
  
Yuck.  
  
No, i'm not a sexist person. I just can't stand it when girls throw themselves around. Don't they have any dignity?  
  
That skinny four-eyed teacher comes in and they all reluctantly leave.  
  
I think from now on, I'll have much more respect for the guy.  
-----  
Basketball practice went on as usual. I was the last person to finish running rounds cause my toe was really bothering me. That girl with the brown hair and eyes is standing at the sidelines again. She keeps on looking at me and holding her hand to her heart and her eyes are opened really big.   
  
She looks as if she thinks i'm gonna die.  
  
Geez, its only a toe.   
-----  
  
Its night now and i'm sort of doing my history homework.Can't really see the words properly with what little light a candle gives. I give up at the third essay question and lie down facing the ceiling. Nothing bad really happened today. The toe incident doesn't really count. Its such a small matter compared to losing a job and all. In fact, you know what i think?  
  
I think that maybe my life really is taking a turn for the better. Tomorrow is Sunday so i'll go for this walk in interview. I don't know what the interview is for but i saw the sign outside school so I'll go anyway. Then with the money i earn, i'll but a new doorknob. Soon, i'll be able to afford a new bike. Then a new flat. And my whole life will slowly fall back into place. Just like a jigsaw puzzle.  
  
And I would have fixed it all by myself too.  
-----  
  
The place looks nice. Its not too big, not to small. Its not too cold either and the walls are this light orange colour. There's this long table with several chairs around it. Reminds me a bit of the room my father holds his meetings in.  
The man sitting opposite from me locks his fingers in front of him, Rukawa-kun, is this your first job interview?  
  
The first was the restaurant one.   
  
Then, have you any experience in this field of work?  
  
What field of work? I still don't know what job i'm interviewing for. Nevermind, he doesn't need to know that.  
  
Why did you choose this line of work?  
  
I lower my eyes respectfully. I never was very independent. Everything i needed was provided for by my parents because we were so rich. I could never contribute anything to anyone. I don't know how to be of use but.....I want to learn.   
  
He has this very thoughtful expression on his face. Heh, i always knew my acting skills were good.  
  
Rukawa-kun, though that was a very deep and expressive speech, I seriously don't see why you need independence to sell your body .  
  
Oh.  
  
Shit.  
  
-tbc-  



	5. We should be Grateful

Why do these things always happen to me?  
Minna, thank you so much for all the reviews so far, it really helps. A lot.^^   
Part 5- We should be grateful.  
-----  
I .  
  
Do.  
  
Not.  
  
Believe.  
  
This.  
  
Someone.  
  
Kill.  
  
Me.  
  
Right.  
  
Now.  
  
Oh my gosh, i can't believe i actually went to ..to..to, well, you know. That's so sick. Ugh. Nevermind, everyone makes mistakes. I'll just be more careful next time.  
  
But that was seiously sick... i mean, i must have appeared so desperate.....sick..   
sick..   
sick..   
sick..   
sick..   
zzz..   
-----  
  
I should start paying more attention to my dreams. The factory part' of my dream must have been about the interview. I understand it all now. Stupid dreams. The dream of going to America was also what caused me to be in this horrible plight now.  
  
I should really stop dreaming.  
-----  
Im trying to find the spot on the ceiling that's leaking. That way i can put this big pail under it (it is a perfectly good pail. I don't see why that old lady a few floors down threw it away.......)and my floor will stop getting wet. Its scary you know, to get up in the morning and step straight into a puddle of ice-cold water.  
  
Yeah, i think that's the spot. I'll just leave the pail there and see how it is tomorrow. Right now its time to zzz.  
-----  
  
Its morning and i've just fallen face-down onto some cold water. Guess i was wrong about the spot.  
  
-----  
  
Class was boring.  
------  
  
Basketball practice was ok.  
-----  
  
Now I'm home again and i'm leaving the door open so that the puddles of water can evaporate. Rent is due soon so i really gotta find a job. No way am i going to my parents for help. I think there's this coffeshop that's just opened and needs staff. I'll check it out tomorrow after practice.  
-----  
  
Maybe being a coffeeshop boy wasn't such a great plan. The kitchen where I'm washing dishes is full of colonies of ants that are crawling across the bar of soap. A rat just ran across my left shoe and the tap is screwy. It keeps on squirting short bursts of water through the top and onto my face. Not to mention all my co-dishwashers and kitchen staff have multiple earrings in various parts of their body and tatoos all over them., they don't wear any shirts either. And they're all taller than me.   
  
I feel so intimidated.  
  
Nevermind, I'm in no place to complain. I need the money and since boss was so nice as to take me in, i should be grateful.   
  
I should be grateful. I say as one beefy man hands me a new stack of dirty plates. Yeah, i really should. i wanted a job and now I have one. Another rat runs past. I wrinkle my nose in disgust and train my eyes on washing dishes. There's a whole stack of them. If i want to knock off before midnight, i better get moving.  
  
Another tatooed, pierced, shirtless man walks over carrying a stack of plates in one hand. He places them by the sink and then leans against it.   
  
Why does a school boy like you need to do this sort of work? He so much taller than me that i can fell his breath on my hair. Ugh.  
  
I need to pay my rent.   
  
Poor thing. He says, then turns and goes back to frying some bloody chicken.   
  
Poor thing? POOR THING?  
  
What does that idiot take me for? I don't need his pity. Does he think I'm very deprived of the good things in life just because I don't imprint dragons on my chest and stab my nipples and eyebrows with dangly hoops?  
  
Nevermind, i should be grateful remember? Right. I should be grateful. I should be grateful.  
  
I should be grat----ukeualgh!!!! The tap shoots a burst of water right into my mouth.  
-tbc-  
  
I'm so evil^^  



	6. Uleeeeeeeeegh

Why do these things always happen to me?  
  
ok, i know i've been a really sickening person, always never update but i have exams and i'm a very erm...stupid girl^^. But tomorrow's my last paper so i decided to get off my ass and continue this fic...but uh..this chapter's not very good.....  
  
anyhow, i would really like to thank all the reviewers, reading the reviews really does make you feel good about what you write (as cliche as it sounds^_^)  
ps: I typed this out super fast so there may be some spelling mistakes, misuse of tenses, punctuation missing etc...  
  
Part 6-Uleeeeeeeeegh  
-----  
Finally. All the dishes are done. Finally. Its almost 2 am in the morning. Nevermind, I'll sleep here in the coffeshop's kitchen. I'll skip school tomorrow and go for basketball practice in the afternoon. Yeah, that sounds good........zzzzzz.  
-----  
  
I wake up and the first thing i see is soap suds. A whole mountain of them right in front of my nose. I lift my head and that's when i realise i'm been sleeping against the kitchen sink. My whole sleeve is wet with soapy water. Its in my hair and on my face too. I look around and realise that all the staff are still working. No wait, they weren't here when i fell asleep. Does that mean their shifts have started already. How long have i been here? Excuse me, I ask the bulky man closest to me. What time is it?   
  
He eyes his watch. Around 5 in the afternoon.  
  
Great, just great. Not only have i missed school, but its too late to go for practice. I don't believe this. I mean, I know i can sleep but i never thought i could sleep for so _long. _I must have been really tired. Anyway, there's nothing I can do. My shift starts at 6. I can go home, change and come back. Ok.  
-----  
  
Its almost 7 now and I feel sick. My head is throbbing and my fingers feel stiff from all that washing and drying. The skin is starting to peel too. I really feel sick. Anyway, to put it short and sweet, i stopped washing all of a sudden and ran to the bathroom. I dash into the nearest empty stall and collapse in front of the bowl.  
  
Uleeeeeegh. Ougweaaaaaagh. Gwuhhhheak Bweeeeeelgh .   
  
I must really be sick.   
-----  
Boss ended up asking me to go home early cause not only did i have to run to the bathroom to throw up every 10 minutes, he said i was also scaring his customers with all the uh, noises i was making in there.   
  
Anyway, i want to go home. My head really hurts.....but i don't want to go back to that cold, small flat. I want to go home. To the mansion, to my parents, to my bed. That's my home, not the flat. I want to go home. Ngh, I have to stop this self-pitying act, its just a little sickness, I can take it.   
And i'll take back my life too.  
  
Right after i see the doctor that is.  
-----  
  
Turns out I have some sickness that i can't even pronounce. I don't what it is either. I barely heard what the doctor said about it cause my head hurt so much. But I do know he said it had something to do with drinking bad water and the fact that i haven't eaten anything for almost 2 days. Hn, maybe the soap suds caused it, i could have swallowed some while i was sleeping. Typical me.   
  
I swallow the pills he gave and drag myself onto the mattress. Damn, its cold. And I have no money left. Seeing the doctor had emptied my pocket. Nevermind, I can worry about it later, the tablets are making me drowsy.....  
  
-----  
I feel better. Not great, but better. Guess the medication helped. And the sleep of course. So now i'm slowly plodding to school and i know i look like i came from a hell ride with the King of Hades himself . My hair's unwashed and my eyes are bloodshot. Good, maybe the female species won't bother me now.  
  
Guess not.  
  
There they are, all lined up outside the classroom door waiting for my arrival. I know i should have stayed home.  
I walk past them and into the classroom and make my way to the back with them tagging along all the way. They're asking why i was absent. Now they're fawning themselves over my desk and batting their eyelashes at me. Now they're telling me how much they admire me and how I should take care of myself .Now they're jumping up and down, waving their arms about and telling me how cool i look when i play.  
  
Well, _they_ look like chickens.  
-----  
  
I'm back to washing the dishes. Its a rather worthwhile job now that i think about it. All i have to do is take, scrub, rinse and dry over and over again from 6 to 12pm with two 15 min breaks inbetween. Not bad eh?  
  
  
  
K, its bad.  
  
But I'm getting used to it. And I'll be getting my paycheck in a few weeks time. That makes it all worth it.  
  
Damn, i think i need to throw up again. I feel like curling up into a ball and dying. I felt worse yesterday though. My head is starting to hurt again and my eyes have been watering continuosly for quite some time now. And i'm really cold. Hm, maybe i'm getting a cold.  
  
K, that was a lame joke.   
  
I take a deep breath and reach for the next stack of plates. That's when I'm realise my hands are shaking. Am i that cold?  
  
  
My head really hurts.  
  
  
  
I don't feel so well.  
  
  
  
I think I'm gonna pass out.  
  
And i do.  
  
-tbc-


	7. it gets worse

Why do these things always happen to me?  
  
ok, i'm very sorry i didn't update for ages but i was sick for a very very long time gomen^^;;......  
  
Part 7-it just gets worse..  
-----  
This is so perfect. Smart me was smart enough to get myself fired from the kitchen. I mean, yeah, so i fell backwards when i passed out, which resulted in my back hitting against the the food preparation tables behind me which in turn, caused some sort of domino-action to occur, which finally resulted in all the tables falling one after another and the whole kitchen to look like post-war but still, that's no good reason to fire me right? Think of all the dishes i washed......  
  
Hn.  
  
So now, i'm slowly dragging my sorry ass home. This is bad. Losing two jobs in a wonderful span of less than a month is gonna look really bad on any job application. Not to mention because i only have a Junior High Certificate so there aren't many jobs out there for me to take. Boss also refused to give me my paycheck. He said he was going to use that money to repair the kitchen.   
  
How could i have done that? Why was i so stupid as to fall backwards huh? I should have just fell forward and smashed my face onto the kitchen counter. It would have hurt but at least i would get to keep my job. What am i supposed to do now?  
  
I hate myself.  
-----  
  
Its useless. I know its useless to sit here and mope. I know its useless to angst over how depressing the situation is and i know its useless to wait for money to drop from the ceiling but that's exactly what i'm doing now in my lightless flat. It doesn't matter anyway, i'm a useless person. Useless people do useless things. I'm not making sense am i? Nevermind, i told you i'm useless. How can a useless person make sense? Useless and stupid. Only stupid people will lose two jobs in a a month. Only stupid people will leave home just for the sake of some dream' or the other. Only stupid people will think they can make it. Which brings me back to the point of being useless. Useless people can't make it.  
  
I think i'll shut up, i'm confusing myself.  
-----  
  
Rukawa Mansion. _The_ Rukawa Mansion. I never thought i'd come back here.   
  
My room. It looks exactly the same as when I left it ; the open cupboard, rumpled bedsheets and all. I pick up my baskteball from the floor. There's a thin sheen of dust covering the top. Well, duh, its been sitting in that same damn spot for almost 3 months.  
  
What an idiotic observation I made.  
  
I twist it around in hand, envisioning all the trauma i had put myself through these past few months, then i hold the orange ball right up to my eye level and glare at it. The things I do for you.....  
----  
  
Dad looks just as scary as he did the last time i saw him. There's something so intimidating about him. Maybe its his big frame. Or maybe its the way he glares at me. Or maybe its just because i'm sitting down and he's standing up so he's sort of towering over me and i'm not used to being towered over, what with my height and all.  
  
You've decided to finally come back. If looks could kill, I would be takoyaki by now.  
  
Not exactly, I reply. I came to ask you... He's gonna shout at me, i just know it. ..for my bankbook. I finish.  
  
  
  
Told you.  
  
He's lucky i'm the calm, rational sort(ahem!). Its mine anyway, don't i have a right to take it?  
  
His tone is so flat, its almost funny.  
  
Why not? Hate. Thats the word, hate.  
  
You want to go to America, something that is out of your league. When i refused to let you, you rebelled and left the house for 3 months. Nothing of yours that is in this house is going back to you unless you come back home.  
  
Why can't I go to America? What am I supposed to do here?   
  
Carry on the family business.  
  
I'm lucky i wasn't drinking water then, I definately would have spit it across the room. Family business? The family business is so _boring. _ Why would anyone with an IQ level higher than 1 ever want to go into the business of hours and hours of staff meetings discussing the price of a product over days and days of traveling around Asia negotiating with bald business men the merits of having a business partnership with you over months and months of waking up every morning and knowing that your whole day is planned out for you by your trusty secretary over years and years of hearing the phone in your office go beep' so many times that every night you lie awake hearing it in your head when you could be out in the court, losing yourself in a game, feeling the andrenaline..the excitement...the breathing difficulties when doahou's like Sendoh make you run so much that you barely have the energy to stay _awake _ much less steal the ball..  
  
Ok, not that last part.  
  
Anyway, i knew i should have argued back to my father. Or at least said something. But i didn't. Because, right at that moment, i realised that it was all pointless. It was pointless for me to say anything.  
  
My voice would never reach him.  
  
I mustered up what little self-esteem i had left and turned on my Rukawa Kaede Ice Glare. He glared right back at me.  
  
And we both stood there glaring at each other for a good ten minutes before he finally spoke, Kaede, maybe you should open the windows and let some fresh air in. Maybe then you'll be able to think straight and see how stupid you are being.  
  
I decided to let that last comment pass. After all, its probably a good idea to move, my neck's getting stiff from all that staring.  
  
I stalk over to the windows and yank them open with a very satisfying KEEEEEE' sound. Maybe if I stand here long enough, he'll feel bad and hand me what's rightfully mine. Or maybe if i stare into space and look bored for long enough, he'll get angry and decide to walk over to the window and lecture me on the lessons of life(and money). Maybe while he's doing that, he'll trip over that hideous brown carpet and fall. Maybe when he falls, he'll knock his head(preferably hard) against the wall and come to his senses. Maybe after that, he'll give me my bankbook.  
  
  
  
Maybe I should just throw myself out of the window.  
  
-tbc-  
  



	8. oh my gosh, i'm alive

Why do these things always happen to me?  
  
Part 8- oh my gosh, i'm alive.  
-----  
  
  
  
ngh...  
  
..Kaede-sama...?   
  
..shut up..i'm trying to die here..the least you could do is show some respect...  
  
Kaede-sama, are you okay? That was a pretty hard fall....  
  
I want to tell that annoying servant to go away and let me die in peace where i am in the grounds of the Rukawa Mansion. Ah yes, eternal rest shall be born to me as i lie here and bleed away .....A fish just hopped over my stomach...  
  
A fish.  
  
A FISH.  
  
You know what else the great Rukawa Kaede just realised? He just realised that he's actually NOT bleeding, its just water. Fish infested water.  
  
Lessons learnt #1)never throw yourself out of the window if you are only one storey up. Lessons learnt #2)especially if there is a fish pond below you.  
  
Take it from me, I have first-hand experience.  
-----  
Anyway, not that i've discovered that i'm actually still very much alive, the least i can do is make myself look presentable so here i am sitting in my room drying my wet fish-food infested hair. Its a bit difficult cause i'm trying not to get any particles of fish food on the carpet. Dad will kill me.  
  
Ah, what the hell, he already wants to kill me.  
  
I let the spongy pieces of fish food fall whereevr they want to.Its such an ugly carpet anyway, not as bad as the brown one but still ugly; kinda dark blue with....birds(?) on it. Flamingos or something. When i guess i look halfway decent, I flop down backwards onto my bed to do some thinking. I still need to think of a tactful(and successful) way to get my bankbook back...  
  
---  
  
I guess I must have fallen asleep instead of thinking because the next time I open my eyes, its almost dark outside. No wait, how can i GUESS i fell asleep when in the first place, if i didn't fall asleep, it would still be afternoon? Geez, i'm getting stupider by the day.  
  
Anyway, i'm kinda hungry now so i'm gonna go downstairs and find something to eat.   
-----  
  
Ok, it turns out i don't have to find something to eat because the servants already prepared food for me. I have to admit i'm surprised...i mean, i thought dad would forbid them to do anything for me anymore. This just goes to show you how even the most horrible people in the world also can show that they-----  
  
Kaede-sama, Master says that you can only eat that if you decide to come back.  
  
----hate you to hell.  
  
This is it. I can't believe he's gone so low. It's sick.  
  
I don't care anymore. I came here to take back my bankbook and I'm going to take back my bankbook. I start to stalk towards his study. He's in there practically four seasons round.  
  
I don't care what he thinks anymore. So i'm useless, pathetic , worthless and unable to accomplish anything remotely successful, so what?  
  
Seriously, so what?  
  
  
  
  
Dad doesn't even look up from his pile of papers as i push open the door and walk in. And even though i'm a little bit nervous, seeing him so arrogantly ignoring me gives me just about all the confidence i need to start talking.  
  
  
  
Oh, Kaede, you're here, i didn't even notice , what are you doing standing in the middle of the room, sit down.  
  
My jaw must have dropped. The nerve of him. Here i am trying to have an important discussion with him and he doesn't even notice i'm in the room.  
  
That sort of puts me off a little but i still walk towards a chair and sit down.  
  
Now, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?  
  
Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. I can do this. Inhale....I'm not coming back so you can stop with the-- BRIIIINGGG!!!!  
  
And I'm left hanging on my unfinished sentence while he answers the phone.  
  
I start to tap my foot against the floorboards to show that i want to talk to him but dad just goes on and on on the phone without even having the courtesy to give me an apologetic wave or something like that.  
  
I begin.  
  
He covers the phone with his hand. I'm busy now, can we continue this later?  
  
When my mother went into labour with me, dad wasn't there in the hospital. He was in Europe attending some meeting. When i was 6, mom ran away with some other guy(she said he wasn't filthy rich but he sure paid more attention to her than dad did). Instead of realising where he had gone wrong, dad thought it was because he wasn't successful enough. For a whole year after that he was in the US establishing connections with all of those powerful companies. For that whole year i had no chance to see him at all.   
  
When i was 10 and participated in my first official basketball match(The one where I threw my first successful 3-pointer), it wasn't him that was there to see it, it was the servants(and the chauffer who drove me there). When my bicycle collided with a car when i was 14, it was also the servants who visited me in the hospital. They brought me food and cards that they said were from my father. I'm not stupid, i knew those stuff were bought with their own pay.Why would dad come back from his important overseas business meetings just because his only son was in the hospital? It doesn't make sense.  
  
When i was discharged a month later, I kept on asking the chauffer to drive home faster so that I could see my father. As self-centered as it sounds, i wanted him to ask me if i was okay. I wanted him to say he was sorry he couldn't visit me and he wouold make it up to me somehow. But instead, all i found when i got home was a note taped to my bedroom door saying he had to leave for an important meeting and that he had bought me 10 new bicycles so i should not worry about the damaged one.  
  
As far as i'm concerned, my position as his son is basically nothing more than a stagnant figure to be kept behind His Majesty's shadow until it is my turn to take over the business.  
  
That ends now.  
  
-tbc-  
ok, the ending may not make sense now but that's because it suppose to continue onto the next chapter.^^;;  
  



	9. the very pointless thought process

Why do these things always happen to me?  
  
part 9- the very pointless thought process  
-----  
(note: this is a continuation of part 8 )  
-----  
_As far as i'm concerned, my position as his son is basically nothing more than a stagnant figure to be kept behind His Majesty's shadow until it is my turn to take over the business.  
  
That ends now.  
_  
I get up from the chair, stalk over to my father's desk and put on my me-and-the-ice-are-one' voice, I came here to get my bankbook therefore--  
  
Then take it.  
  
The world seems to really enjoy cutting me off when i'm talking. I would dwell on this new realisation longer if i could but now my mind seems to have evaporated into a blank space because not only has my father put down the phone, he's also placed a very familiar black book in front of me.  
  
He gestures towards my bankbook, If you seriously think you can do something successful with it then go ahead. Take it.  
  
But i can't. I want to.... but i can't. _If you seriously think you can do something successful._....successful? Was any part of my 3-month voyage successful?  
  
My father leans forward in his seat, Kaede, tell me, when you were gone these few months, were you successful in anything?   
  
I seriously don't think telling him i managed to live in a flat that has no lights is gonna get me very far.  
  
Anf all of a sudden, i'm angry. But i'm not angry at him...i'm angry at myself. I'm angry that i wanted to go to America, i'm angry that i put up with that bitch of a landlady, i'm angry that i was stupid enough to go for a whore-interview, i'm angry that i found a job washing dishes, i'm angry that i got sick and had to see the doctor, i'm angry that i came back here to take my bankbook, i'm angry that i fell into the fishpond in a very disgracing manner, i'm angry that i'm standing rght here right now being angry at myself but most of all, _were you successful in anything?' _,most of all , I'm angry that its such a simple question..  
  
..and i can't seem to answer.  
-----  
  
  
  
  
  
Were you successful in anything?'  
  
Gah, those stupid 5 words have been bothering me every since i left my father's study which was around...ah..3 hours ago.I just can't seem to find a answer for it. In one way, i've not been successful ..but in another, i have.   
  
I have because my intention was to move out and pursue my dreams and that is exactly what i've done but i've not been successful because i wanted to fulfil those dreams and well, the last time i looked out the window, i was still in Kanagawa, not America.  
  
But then again, i've been thinking that everyone takes time to reach the place they want to go right? You can't decided to have a dream and then wave your magic wand and poof!, you've done it! Life sucks that way.   
  
I've also been thinking that people always say There's a time for everything. I never used to believe all those old wise sayings but now i think that this one is pretty true.....  
  
Oh my GOSH, who the HELL put that neon green clock on my shelf? You know, I thought my room hadn't been touched but now i'm taking a good look at it, i'm noticing that there's a lot of supplements added to it. That clock for one, and a photograph of...ducks...geez, just what the _hell _did you people do to my room while i was gone??  
  
  
  
I'm getting off topic aren't i?  
  
Anyway, as i was saying, maybe there's a different time for me to continue pursuing this dream of mine. Besides, its not like i'm very old now; its not like i can't wait a little longer.  
  
I mean, I do want to go to America. Really want to. There are so many oppurtunities to become a naitonal player over there. And i'm positive one of those oppurtunities was made for me. Rukawa Kaede.  
  
But..i'm too inexperienced now. What can i do? Seriously speaking, what is there that i can do? I obviously can't hold a job very well...i can't maintain rent payment very well either..won't it be worse if i'm in a foreign country?  
  
Won't it be more difficult than it is now?  
  
Won't the failure be greater?  
  
Won't the loss be more?  
  
You know, i never realised it but even in times when my dream is pinned up in front of my eyes, i still tend to wander around unsure of whether what i'm doing is going to work out. I'm scared of failing..which is why i've become too cautious of my actions.  
  
And this time round, i've failed because of exactly that. But i won't let that happen again. Im gonna give this Go-to-America' Project another try.  
  
When the time is right.  
  
  
And so i walk down the stairs (After i dispose of that hideous green clock and photograph of course) to the dining room. The food the servants made is still there. And i still remember that they said i could only eat it if i was coming back....  
  
I reach for the wooden chopsticks and spilt them apart.  
  
  
  
-end-  
( is just someting that Japanese people say before they eat.)  
  
Thank you minna for reading.  
  
Standard Disclaimers Apply.  
  
now, let me just say some stuff and then i'll go^^;;:  
  
First of all, when i read that people commented that this fic was sadistic' , sarcastic' , 'funny in a sick way' etc, i was really surprised because i never thought my so-called humour could be described as that ( is actually the first word that comes to my mind when i crack a joke) so i was really happy that people didn't see it as lame' but as humour that's so tasteless(and crappy) its funny^^.  
so thanks for seeing it that way.  
  
And thank you for all the multiple reviews and single reviews even though i seem to take forever to update^^(Nakkie-san, you're right, the coffeeshop workers do sound a little far-off^_^;; and yu-chan, i can't log on to msn cause its screwy. i'll try though.^^)  
  
once again, thanks for appreciating this fic and Merry Christmas...  
  



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